Interesting topic name hey?... Conquering the B.S. It’s the Bogus Story or the B.S.
The bogus story is a mindset or belief that draws you away from That Woman you know in your heart you can be.
The bogus story has 2 elements. There is the bogus story from long ago, the one that has you on a completely different path and then there is the bogus story that creeps into the everyday.
I am sharing with you how the bogus story has affected me on my journey, my hope in doing this is not to make me a focus but that it will help you identify where the B.S has crept into your thoughts.
Let your mind wander to what your B.S could be.
Write down any thoughts that come to mind… in any area. Not just the big stuff but in the little things too.
Take your Q’s home and ponder.
I had a loud bogus story going on that held me back for a long time - as in, it took me a long time to identify it.
I think I'd be described as a pretty passionate person. When I believe in something, you know about it! I have the ability to engage people and convince them to do what I think is the most amazing plan ever! I've been like this since I was a kid. My parents would say proudly "She's such a leader" (I'm sure my siblings or cousins just thought I was bossy!)
I was very passionate and where I felt comfortable I was bold in my passion and confidence; when it came to school I tried to blend in rather than be bold with what was unique about me.
I went to a very rough high school. The kind of school where the girls get in fights and kids heads often got the ‘royal flush’. You know, where they force your head in to the toilet and flush....
There was one particular group of girls who were so scary. They would target a girl and leave her a message on the back of the toilet door informing her that she had better watch her back or else her head would be beaten in.
Every time you went to the toilet you would silently pray that the door didn’t have YOUR name on it. Thankfully mine was never there!
Because of this environment, I learned pretty quickly to fly under the radar. No one really knew me as the outgoing passionate girl that I was & I worked pretty hard to keep it that way. My fear of what might happen overtook my conviction of who I was and what was actually really important to me.
After a few years in this environment it became harder and harder to live the double life and I gradually started to become the girl I was pretending to be.
My whole perception of myself changed over this time, and I began to loathe myself. I regretted nearly every decision I made but didn’t have the confidence to do anything different. My passion for life evaporated. And because of this self perception I was neither confident or wise in my decision making and I made some choices through that season that have had life long consequences.
It’s hard to believe now but I became a shell of the real me. I looked similar but inside was sad and scared and I withdrew completely.
My bogus story sounded like this;
“How would people react if they knew the real you?”
“You will not be accepted”
“You’ve faked it for so long, who is the real you now?”
I wonder if you have a similar story? A story of your perception of yourself changing and taking you down a path that you did not plan to go.
What is it that can make us go from being so confident and sure of ourselves to one who doubts themselves at every turn?
It's the Bogus Story or B.S.
The bogus story whispers;
"Are you really the one to achieve those things?"
"You're not that good at…(that thing you love) …… (insert name) is SO much better at that than you"
“Why do you think you’re good at that?”
“How are you any different from other people who are doing that?”
“Do you really think you can achieve something as good as that?”
“Do you really think you’re worthy of that?”
“What happened to you is what defines you now”
“The consequences of those poor choices will follow you forever”
“You’re never going to be able to change”
The longer we partner with this story, louder it gets and we barely remember what truth sounds like. The thing with a bogus story is that it could be true, there is usually some element of truth to it. That's what makes it so believable.
Is it echoing something someone spoke over you, a parent or a teasing friend?
Maybe it's your own self doubt and insecurities?
The bogus story usually rears its ugly head again right after you start clarifying what’s important to you and what direction you know is important for you to take. When things are going well, the B.S. will become louder again to remind you of your inadequacies.
It's usually a direct question or accusation to steer you away from living as That Woman you know you can be.
The B.S. from long ago is always going to try and make you forget or lose sight of who you really are. Who you’ve been created to be and take you off course.
To combat this, have a think about things that friends and family have said to encourage you in a particular area. For some of you I know this is hard to do. We dismiss the good & choose to focus on the negative or hurtful things that get said to us. I challenge you today, choose to stop this & focus on & accept the positive & see it as your truth.
When someone I trust speaks life and light in to my life, I grasp hold of it and own it. I will write it in my journal and hope that their words become my truth.
A little clue that I learned along the way that helped me identify what is B.S and what is truth is becoming aware of the language that I was hearing. The bogus story is generally always an accusation or leans to the negative. Truth says that you are of VALUE, that you are meant to be UNIQUE and that you have been created for a PURPOSE. The B.S. generally always says the opposite of this.
The other way the B.S. creeps in is in the everyday; I want to encourage you, to really LISTEN to what you hear and act on. You know that deep inner part where you really know the truth, your instincts.
Let me give you an example; Have you ever had a stirring or an urge to touch base with a particular friend? Your instincts are saying to give her a call but the bogus story says “It doesn’t make sense to call her, you just spoke yesterday and she was fine”
B.S says, “You have so much to do today, don’t worry about calling today, do it tomorrow”
The bogus story has elements of truth, but that stirring in your gut won’t go away and when you do call that friend, she’s going through something really tough and being able to speak with you has really strengthened and encouraged her.
You knew you should call her and NOW you’re thankful you did. Trust your instincts over the bogus story any day. But that means being very aware and backing yourself in. Trusting your gut, even when it doesn’t make sense!
You may have noticed the bogus story has already crept in since you committed to being at the event tonight and you're doubting whether you're in the right place. Looking around at the women sitting on your table, the B.S. typically rears its ugly head; “She is so much more accomplished than you” “How can you really be yourself around these women, they have it so together, and look at you…”
This daily B.S can come in relation to your finances, your relationships, and your daily life.
And like I mentioned before, it often comes right around a breakthrough.
A couple of weeks ago Katie, Jen and I had a planning meeting and got some real amazing clarity on some things with Be That.
But within minutes of leaving the meeting the B.S. became so loud in my head that I couldn’t think straight.
“You don’t belong in this space” it said…. “What you think you contribute could really be done by anyone, do you really need to be there?”.... And it kept going.
By the time my husband got home I’d worked myself into a tizz. When I talked to him about it he looked puzzled “You know that’s just the B.S. you’re listening to don’t you?”
He was so right. I had to spend some time over the next few days going over some of my old journals, reminding myself of why I was a part of the team.
The B.S. affects all of us in so many ways and our heart for you is that you would find freedom in identifying your bogus story.
If you were to identify some B.S. in your life what would it be? And What could be the consequences of listening to and believing the B.S?
For me, believing the B.S. led to some life changing events, but getting back on course started with an awareness of the B.S. and then small intentional steps that slowly started breaking the bogus story apart.
Your instincts might be saying to pursue something in your life and your bogus story will try to talk you out of it. Weigh it up, identify the B.S. and its fear and negativity and step towards your truth.
I heard some interesting stats this week
We think about 50 thoughts per minute
For people who are not aware or intentional in their thought life, around 70% of these thoughts lean to the negative or the B.S.
20% of these thoughts are redundant, meaning they are unnecessary repetition or a rehash of the past
And only 10-3% are new thoughts.
If ALL you take away from tonight is this – BE AWARE OF THE VOICE YOU’RE LISTENING TO (in your mind)
Find ways to silence the B.S and replace it with new thoughts that are good and that point to truth.
B.S will instantly come and tell you that this is fanciful or naïve – shut that down, it’s not naïve, it’s taking back control of what’s rightfully yours, your mind and conquering the B.S.